1 00:00:12,116 --> 00:00:15,369 Jesus, enlighten my mind with truth. 2 00:00:16,662 --> 00:00:18,873 Inflame my heart with love. 3 00:00:19,957 --> 00:00:22,168 Inspire my will with courage. 4 00:00:23,377 --> 00:00:25,421 Pardon what I have been. 5 00:00:26,088 --> 00:00:27,923 Sanctify what I am. 6 00:00:30,593 --> 00:00:33,262 Okay, here we go, Jesus. 7 00:00:33,345 --> 00:00:35,056 Make it a good one. 8 00:00:36,474 --> 00:00:38,017 See you later, babe. 9 00:00:42,980 --> 00:00:45,858 - I'm glad you could come in today. - Thank you. 10 00:00:46,358 --> 00:00:49,195 Hank, can I get you some chicken? 11 00:00:49,862 --> 00:00:52,073 A couple of good pieces there. 12 00:00:52,156 --> 00:00:54,825 - Is that good? Okay, take care. - All right. 13 00:00:56,577 --> 00:00:57,787 Hi, Charlie. 14 00:00:57,870 --> 00:01:00,414 - I need you to look at my asshole. - Charlie. 15 00:01:00,498 --> 00:01:02,124 I wanna know what it looks like. 16 00:01:02,708 --> 00:01:03,667 I can't. 17 00:01:03,751 --> 00:01:04,710 Ah. 18 00:01:08,506 --> 00:01:09,465 What's that? 19 00:01:10,049 --> 00:01:11,425 It's a gift. 20 00:01:11,509 --> 00:01:13,177 Thank you for everything you do. 21 00:01:13,260 --> 00:01:15,262 Aw, Charlie. 22 00:01:17,056 --> 00:01:19,141 Okay. Um, thanks. 23 00:01:19,725 --> 00:01:21,143 Guard it with your life. 24 00:01:21,227 --> 00:01:24,063 There's only seven of those left in the world. 25 00:01:24,897 --> 00:01:26,273 Seven batteries? 26 00:01:26,357 --> 00:01:29,235 Ah, shit! Why you say it so loud? 27 00:01:29,318 --> 00:01:30,986 - Fuck! - Okay. 28 00:01:31,070 --> 00:01:33,906 - I'm sorry, Charlie, but thank you. - Yeah. 29 00:01:33,989 --> 00:01:36,325 - I appreciate it. - Okay. 30 00:01:36,408 --> 00:01:37,618 Let me, uh... 31 00:01:42,915 --> 00:01:44,208 Can you smell this rash? 32 00:01:46,210 --> 00:01:47,628 - Natalie? - Huh. 33 00:01:47,711 --> 00:01:51,465 Natalie? Oh my God! Someone call an ambulance! 34 00:01:51,549 --> 00:01:53,801 - I want a hat. - You can't have a hat. 35 00:01:53,884 --> 00:01:55,553 I'm gonna live in Natalie's house. 36 00:02:04,687 --> 00:02:07,815 Whoa, nice. 37 00:02:13,904 --> 00:02:14,989 Hello? 38 00:02:15,072 --> 00:02:17,867 Hello. Welcome to Heaven. 39 00:02:17,950 --> 00:02:20,411 You must be Abigail, 40 00:02:20,494 --> 00:02:23,539 strangled by a meth addict for not giving him a dollar. 41 00:02:24,582 --> 00:02:28,586 No, um, my name's Natalie. Natalie Wilkinson. 42 00:02:28,669 --> 00:02:30,337 I think I had a heart attack. 43 00:02:30,421 --> 00:02:33,090 Oh, okay. 44 00:02:33,174 --> 00:02:35,009 Natalie Wilkinson. 45 00:02:35,593 --> 00:02:39,305 Ah, here you are. You're one of his favorites. 46 00:02:40,472 --> 00:02:42,016 - Baptized. - Yep. 47 00:02:42,099 --> 00:02:43,309 Catholic school. 48 00:02:43,392 --> 00:02:45,311 No pre-marital sex. 49 00:02:45,394 --> 00:02:47,188 - Tough one. - Prayed every night. 50 00:02:47,271 --> 00:02:49,356 Forgave those who trespassed against you. 51 00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:50,482 Not my favorite. 52 00:02:50,566 --> 00:02:52,067 Goodness me. 53 00:02:52,735 --> 00:02:55,070 You've lived a flawless life, Natalie. 54 00:02:55,779 --> 00:02:57,281 Well, I've done my utmost 55 00:02:57,364 --> 00:03:00,659 to walk the winding and divinely lit road to Jesus. 56 00:03:00,743 --> 00:03:01,994 Mission accomplished. 57 00:03:02,077 --> 00:03:04,830 Are you ready to meet your Lord and Savior? 58 00:03:04,914 --> 00:03:07,875 I've been waiting for this moment my entire life. 59 00:03:07,958 --> 00:03:09,210 Great. 60 00:03:12,254 --> 00:03:15,424 - Whoa. - Pretty sweet, huh? 61 00:03:15,507 --> 00:03:17,676 This is pretty sweet. 62 00:03:18,761 --> 00:03:21,805 I have to admit, I'm pretty nervous. 63 00:03:22,389 --> 00:03:25,059 Oh, Natalie, there's no need to be nervous. 64 00:03:25,142 --> 00:03:28,312 Whatever goodness you're imagining, it falls short. 65 00:03:28,395 --> 00:03:32,274 His mercy is deeper, his smile is warmer, 66 00:03:32,358 --> 00:03:35,486 and his love is unparalleled. 67 00:03:42,576 --> 00:03:44,662 Peace be upon you, my child. 68 00:03:44,745 --> 00:03:46,705 Welcome to my kingdom. 69 00:03:48,290 --> 00:03:49,708 Uh, who are you? 70 00:03:49,792 --> 00:03:52,044 Oh, come now, Natalie. 71 00:03:52,127 --> 00:03:54,630 You of all people know who Jesus is. 72 00:03:54,713 --> 00:03:56,882 Lamb of God, king of kings. 73 00:03:57,508 --> 00:03:58,509 Me. 74 00:03:59,593 --> 00:04:02,888 I mean, yes, of course, I know who Jesus is. 75 00:04:02,972 --> 00:04:07,142 I have pictures of him all over my house and an air freshener in my Buick. 76 00:04:07,226 --> 00:04:09,311 But forgive me... 77 00:04:09,895 --> 00:04:12,231 You don't... you don't look like Jesus. 78 00:04:13,524 --> 00:04:15,359 You are forgiven. 79 00:04:15,442 --> 00:04:21,407 Now, my child, I reveal unto you the wonders of my Father's kingdom. 80 00:04:21,490 --> 00:04:24,743 - Beginning with-- - I mean, you look nothing like him. 81 00:04:24,827 --> 00:04:26,036 Jesus Christ. 82 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:27,997 Nothing like him. 83 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:29,790 Yeah, heard you. 84 00:04:30,416 --> 00:04:31,667 I'm gonna dip out. 85 00:04:31,750 --> 00:04:35,921 Yes, my child, I am well aware that the way I appear to you now 86 00:04:36,005 --> 00:04:40,050 is different than how I am portrayed by earthly hands. 87 00:04:40,134 --> 00:04:43,971 Artists have been very generous, so if it is beauty you seek, 88 00:04:44,054 --> 00:04:48,726 you are welcome to gaze upon the River of Everlasting Peace. 89 00:04:49,435 --> 00:04:51,895 Its waters will cleanse you of all your fears-- 90 00:04:51,979 --> 00:04:53,147 You have a gut, though. 91 00:04:53,230 --> 00:04:55,316 - Excuse me? - And you're balding. 92 00:04:55,399 --> 00:04:58,819 Yeah, okay. Yes, a little. 93 00:04:58,902 --> 00:04:59,987 I'm not "bald" bald. 94 00:05:00,070 --> 00:05:01,488 Oh, you kind of are. 95 00:05:01,572 --> 00:05:03,907 What? No. All right. 96 00:05:03,991 --> 00:05:07,286 Uh, my... child, 97 00:05:07,369 --> 00:05:09,413 if it is flowing locks you desire, 98 00:05:09,496 --> 00:05:13,584 please spend eternity amongst the forests of weeping willows-- 99 00:05:13,667 --> 00:05:14,918 I can't do this. 100 00:05:15,002 --> 00:05:17,463 Do what, huh? Heaven? 101 00:05:17,546 --> 00:05:21,258 Can't you just snap your fingers and be, like, super hot? 102 00:05:21,342 --> 00:05:22,968 No, it doesn't work that way. 103 00:05:23,052 --> 00:05:24,845 Well, can you ask your dad? 104 00:05:24,928 --> 00:05:27,389 No, I can't ask my dad. Why don't you ask him? 105 00:05:27,973 --> 00:05:28,891 What are you eating? 106 00:05:28,974 --> 00:05:31,810 - I don't know, like, bread and wine. - For every meal? 107 00:05:31,894 --> 00:05:33,979 I have a lot of prosciutto too. 108 00:05:34,063 --> 00:05:36,523 It's a really good combo, actually. 109 00:05:36,607 --> 00:05:39,068 - This is heartbreaking. - You wanna see heartbreaking? 110 00:05:39,151 --> 00:05:42,946 There's a couple heads in a trash can in New Orleans right now, all right? 111 00:05:43,030 --> 00:05:43,947 Jesus Christ. 112 00:05:44,031 --> 00:05:46,909 - Yes? - Um, I didn't mean it like that. 113 00:05:46,992 --> 00:05:48,952 - How did you mean it? - I just... 114 00:05:49,036 --> 00:05:52,915 In every picture I've seen of Jesus since I was a child, 115 00:05:52,998 --> 00:05:55,250 he has long flowing hair, 116 00:05:55,334 --> 00:05:56,835 a chiseled jaw, 117 00:05:56,919 --> 00:05:59,171 perfect olive skin, the bulge. 118 00:05:59,254 --> 00:06:03,634 - I don't know what you were expecting-- - I was expecting hot, sexy Jesus. 119 00:06:03,717 --> 00:06:07,346 You know, you can't post thousands of smoldering selfies 120 00:06:07,429 --> 00:06:10,641 and then show up to a date looking like... 121 00:06:11,934 --> 00:06:16,146 I've been catfished. I've been catfished by Jesus. 122 00:06:16,230 --> 00:06:18,232 Okay, we're not dating, so... 123 00:06:18,315 --> 00:06:19,608 Yeah, we kinda were. 124 00:06:19,691 --> 00:06:22,027 I committed my life to you. 125 00:06:22,111 --> 00:06:23,737 I took a vow, bro. 126 00:06:23,821 --> 00:06:25,864 This is so fucked. 127 00:06:25,948 --> 00:06:28,826 Do you know how many Puerto Rican guys I could've slept with? 128 00:06:28,909 --> 00:06:29,993 Seventeen. 129 00:06:30,661 --> 00:06:32,704 Really? 130 00:06:32,788 --> 00:06:34,289 This sucks. 131 00:06:34,373 --> 00:06:37,084 Also, I think your toe's infected. 132 00:06:37,751 --> 00:06:39,753 - Yeah. - You're hideous. 133 00:06:39,837 --> 00:06:41,213 I thought it would go away. 134 00:06:42,339 --> 00:06:44,967 Um, I can't do this anymore. 135 00:06:45,050 --> 00:06:46,260 You know I have feelings. 136 00:06:46,343 --> 00:06:47,803 I-I-- I'm here. 137 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:51,557 - What? Where are you going? - I don't know, I don't care. 138 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:54,143 Oh, you don't? Okay. 139 00:06:57,980 --> 00:06:58,939 Jerk. 140 00:07:12,911 --> 00:07:14,705 Greetings, Natalie. 141 00:07:14,788 --> 00:07:18,250 Prepare to spend eternity as our little sex offering. 142 00:07:25,591 --> 00:07:26,425 Great. 143 00:07:26,508 --> 00:07:27,676 Where do I sign? 144 00:07:27,759 --> 00:07:29,344 Excuse me? 145 00:07:29,428 --> 00:07:32,264 It sounds good to me, and I'm-- Let's-- let's go. 146 00:07:33,307 --> 00:07:34,766 You know you in hell, right? 147 00:07:34,850 --> 00:07:35,851 Yes. 148 00:07:35,934 --> 00:07:38,395 Are any of you guys Puerto Rican? 149 00:07:38,479 --> 00:07:40,397 I feel uncomfortable. 150 00:07:53,410 --> 00:07:55,913 Oh my God. 151 00:07:56,497 --> 00:07:59,750 I'm gonna change the air filters, honey. 152 00:07:59,833 --> 00:08:01,168 Shh! 153 00:08:01,251 --> 00:08:02,461 What's going on? 154 00:08:03,128 --> 00:08:05,297 He's watching pornos. 155 00:08:05,380 --> 00:08:09,009 Oh wow. Yeah, he is. 156 00:08:11,303 --> 00:08:12,971 This is bad, Harold. 157 00:08:13,472 --> 00:08:16,350 Baby, we're mammals. This is just how we operate. 158 00:08:16,433 --> 00:08:18,519 Plus, he probably doesn't even know what he's watching. 159 00:08:18,602 --> 00:08:20,687 We need to talk to him about this. 160 00:08:20,771 --> 00:08:22,773 Yeah, and we will. 161 00:08:22,856 --> 00:08:25,651 I think we should probably let him finish first. 162 00:08:25,734 --> 00:08:27,444 Are you kidding me right now? 163 00:08:27,528 --> 00:08:30,948 Baby, once it gets going, if you just cut it off, it aches. 164 00:08:31,031 --> 00:08:32,950 And it hurts. 165 00:08:33,951 --> 00:08:36,620 Honey, we need to talk. 166 00:08:37,496 --> 00:08:39,289 Oh God. 167 00:08:43,669 --> 00:08:45,379 Can I have a cream soda? 168 00:08:46,547 --> 00:08:50,092 Uh, no. We need to talk first, buddy. 169 00:08:50,175 --> 00:08:51,718 Your mother's worried. 170 00:08:53,345 --> 00:08:56,139 We're worried about what you're doing in here. 171 00:08:56,223 --> 00:08:57,641 You mean jacking off? 172 00:09:00,060 --> 00:09:01,645 Yeah. 173 00:09:03,855 --> 00:09:05,190 Waxing your carrot. 174 00:09:05,857 --> 00:09:09,486 Stroking it, cranking it, rubbing it, tugging it. 175 00:09:10,445 --> 00:09:14,157 - Masturbating. - Yeah, I-I know about that stuff. 176 00:09:14,241 --> 00:09:17,452 Honey, we're worried you don't understand what you're watching. 177 00:09:17,536 --> 00:09:20,455 - That's right. - I wasn't watching anything, Mom. 178 00:09:20,539 --> 00:09:22,457 Buddy, it's fine. We're both men. 179 00:09:22,541 --> 00:09:24,960 We understand that we have that hum until you release. 180 00:09:25,043 --> 00:09:27,170 - You don't have to be embarrassed. - That's enough. 181 00:09:27,254 --> 00:09:31,425 - Sorry. - I wasn't watching any porn. 182 00:09:32,217 --> 00:09:33,135 Okay. 183 00:09:33,719 --> 00:09:35,053 I was making it. 184 00:09:37,014 --> 00:09:41,768 - What? - I was masturbating on camera. 185 00:09:42,978 --> 00:09:44,146 Holy shit. 186 00:09:44,229 --> 00:09:45,731 On camera? 187 00:09:45,814 --> 00:09:47,316 I'm gonna-- I'm gonna be sick. 188 00:09:47,399 --> 00:09:49,484 The camera I got you from Best Buy? 189 00:09:49,568 --> 00:09:51,653 What if Our Special Journey finds out? 190 00:09:51,737 --> 00:09:54,448 - Oh my God. - We'll have to deactivate the Instagram. 191 00:09:54,531 --> 00:09:57,826 Toby, you're gonna knock this off right now. 192 00:09:57,909 --> 00:10:01,830 - But they love it. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who the hell is "they"? 193 00:10:03,332 --> 00:10:04,541 My fans. 194 00:10:04,625 --> 00:10:07,961 - They are exploiting you. - Oh, son... 195 00:10:08,045 --> 00:10:10,839 - I don't really think so. - Toby. 196 00:10:10,922 --> 00:10:11,798 Oh my God. 197 00:10:11,882 --> 00:10:13,508 - You're a good kid, okay? - Yeah. 198 00:10:13,592 --> 00:10:16,720 Yeah, good kids don't jack off on camera. And I'll tell you one thing. 199 00:10:16,803 --> 00:10:19,848 We are cutting down cream soda until you straighten this shit out. 200 00:10:19,931 --> 00:10:23,268 I'm not an idiot, Dad. 201 00:10:25,270 --> 00:10:27,648 Check this shit out. 202 00:10:27,731 --> 00:10:32,110 Subscribers can watch two times a day, three times on Saturdays. 203 00:10:32,194 --> 00:10:35,489 - When you're playing golf, Dad. - Subscribers? 204 00:10:36,073 --> 00:10:37,449 What is he talking about, Harold? 205 00:10:41,203 --> 00:10:43,372 Do you want to see the office? 206 00:10:43,955 --> 00:10:44,956 The what? 207 00:10:49,002 --> 00:10:50,253 "Tobystrong"? 208 00:10:50,337 --> 00:10:51,880 You rented an office. 209 00:10:52,422 --> 00:10:55,842 - No, it made more sense to buy. - Sorry, excuse me. Sorry, sir. 210 00:10:55,926 --> 00:10:59,096 Sir, you have a Zoom with the Taiwanese investors in five. 211 00:10:59,179 --> 00:11:01,348 I'll take it in my office, dear. Cream soda, please. 212 00:11:01,431 --> 00:11:03,308 Double bubble. 213 00:11:03,392 --> 00:11:06,853 That was my assistant, Ruby. She's a good kid. 214 00:11:09,314 --> 00:11:11,358 I don't understand what's happening. 215 00:11:11,441 --> 00:11:13,276 New stickers came in. 216 00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:14,945 - Sick, bro! - 'Sup, dude! 217 00:11:15,028 --> 00:11:15,904 Yeah, boss. 218 00:11:15,987 --> 00:11:17,989 You're looking good, bro. 219 00:11:19,741 --> 00:11:22,160 - Hey, little buddy. - What's up, my man? 220 00:11:23,078 --> 00:11:24,371 He's got merch. 221 00:11:25,122 --> 00:11:28,166 Honey, how many subscribers did you say you had? 222 00:11:28,250 --> 00:11:30,210 Two thousand, five hundred. 223 00:11:30,794 --> 00:11:32,045 And how much do they pay? 224 00:11:32,129 --> 00:11:34,339 Thirty dollars a month. 225 00:11:35,716 --> 00:11:38,176 You're making almost a million dollars a year? 226 00:11:38,260 --> 00:11:40,762 Well, that's just with the subscribers. 227 00:11:40,846 --> 00:11:44,641 There are the brand deals and the Liquid Death collab. 228 00:11:45,225 --> 00:11:48,103 Honey, there's a lot of things we could use that money for. 229 00:11:48,186 --> 00:11:49,020 Yes. 230 00:11:49,104 --> 00:11:52,399 Like that time you bought a hot tub after using me for that GoFundMe? 231 00:11:52,482 --> 00:11:54,776 - Hey, you can use that hot tub, buddy. - Yeah. 232 00:11:54,860 --> 00:11:58,029 You had me make so many videos for Instagram. 233 00:11:58,113 --> 00:11:59,239 You're very bad parents. 234 00:11:59,322 --> 00:12:02,534 Toby, we only shared your story to inspire others. 235 00:12:02,617 --> 00:12:03,994 - Yes, exactly. - Yeah. 236 00:12:04,077 --> 00:12:06,496 Really, Mom? That's why you made me say, 237 00:12:06,580 --> 00:12:10,751 "Aerosmith, all I want for Christmas is to get backstage with you"? 238 00:12:10,834 --> 00:12:14,045 - I don't even know who Aerosmith is. - You're terrible people. 239 00:12:14,129 --> 00:12:17,924 - Your mother's obsessed with Steven Tyler. - I like how old he looks. 240 00:12:18,008 --> 00:12:19,092 That's weird, Mom. 241 00:12:19,176 --> 00:12:20,177 Just old? 242 00:12:20,260 --> 00:12:23,054 Yeah, he's old, and he's-- he's hot about it. I don't know. 243 00:12:23,138 --> 00:12:27,517 Dad, you made me send John Cena over a hundred messages on TikTok. 244 00:12:27,601 --> 00:12:28,769 John Cena again? 245 00:12:28,852 --> 00:12:30,103 Well, I... 246 00:12:30,187 --> 00:12:33,064 That's... that's for you, pal. I know you're a big fan. 247 00:12:33,148 --> 00:12:34,232 John Cena sucks. 248 00:12:34,983 --> 00:12:36,318 - Really? - Hell yeah. 249 00:12:36,401 --> 00:12:38,361 - 14-time champ? - I don't like John Cena. 250 00:12:38,445 --> 00:12:39,863 - National hero? - Yeah. 251 00:12:39,946 --> 00:12:42,699 - Say that shit with your chest, man. - Bring it on. 252 00:12:42,783 --> 00:12:44,493 - I bet he'd kick your-- - Let it go. 253 00:12:44,576 --> 00:12:46,203 Cool it. Let's cool it down, bro. 254 00:12:46,286 --> 00:12:50,665 You both used me as a prop to get what you wanted. 255 00:12:51,833 --> 00:12:53,835 You like free crap. 256 00:12:54,669 --> 00:12:56,755 Caregiving is exhausting. 257 00:12:59,299 --> 00:13:01,009 You really wanna talk shit about John Cena? 258 00:13:01,593 --> 00:13:03,220 You don't scare me. 259 00:13:03,303 --> 00:13:05,847 Honey, just calm down. Take a deep breath, okay? 260 00:13:05,931 --> 00:13:07,015 I am calm. 261 00:13:07,599 --> 00:13:10,477 You never saved or took any responsibility. 262 00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:12,813 You leaned on me like a crutch. 263 00:13:13,313 --> 00:13:15,440 And I'm just going to say it. 264 00:13:15,524 --> 00:13:18,902 You both have been acting a bit... 265 00:13:20,237 --> 00:13:21,571 Retarded. 266 00:13:24,032 --> 00:13:25,534 - What--? - Whoa. 267 00:13:26,326 --> 00:13:29,996 I was going to say financially irresponsible. 268 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:31,706 Mom and Dad... 269 00:13:31,790 --> 00:13:34,334 Whoa. What the hell's going on here? 270 00:13:34,417 --> 00:13:35,293 Yeah, what? 271 00:13:35,377 --> 00:13:37,671 ...it is time for a change. 272 00:13:38,713 --> 00:13:40,382 - A change? - Yeah. 273 00:13:40,465 --> 00:13:43,635 - I have frozen the GoFundMe, Instagram... - What? 274 00:13:43,718 --> 00:13:45,178 All the accounts. 275 00:13:45,262 --> 00:13:48,139 - We can't be on our own. - Yeah. We can't afford rent. 276 00:13:48,223 --> 00:13:51,017 I was tired of being inspiration porn. 277 00:13:51,101 --> 00:13:54,521 So I turned to real porn. 278 00:13:55,605 --> 00:14:00,986 And as it turns out, I'm pretty good at it. 279 00:14:02,195 --> 00:14:04,823 Sir, the investors are on the Zoom. 280 00:14:04,906 --> 00:14:06,408 - Wha-- Honey! - Buddy. 281 00:14:06,491 --> 00:14:09,452 - You should be ashamed of yourself. - Toby... Toby, honey, come on. 282 00:14:09,536 --> 00:14:11,997 - We can work here. - Yeah, we can jack off. 283 00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:15,125 Yeah, let's collab. Let's collab on something. 284 00:14:15,208 --> 00:14:17,210 A father-son video, wouldn't that be neat? 285 00:14:17,294 --> 00:14:20,797 Hello! Who's ready? 286 00:14:20,881 --> 00:14:22,883 All set to go! 287 00:14:24,551 --> 00:14:26,386 Let's get to work, gentlemen. 288 00:14:33,184 --> 00:14:35,645 - That can't be our Uber. - I don't know. 289 00:14:35,729 --> 00:14:38,523 I mean, it said it was pulling up, the dude drove around the block twice, 290 00:14:38,607 --> 00:14:41,151 and now this car is here. 291 00:14:44,821 --> 00:14:45,655 For Jefri? 292 00:14:46,406 --> 00:14:47,908 Um, Jeffrey? 293 00:14:48,825 --> 00:14:50,952 Oh no, sorry. Mine say Jefri. Sorry. 294 00:14:51,036 --> 00:14:53,204 No, no, excuse me. Yes, that's him. 295 00:14:53,288 --> 00:14:55,624 There's no one else here, and we're running late. Let's go. 296 00:14:55,707 --> 00:14:59,377 - Okay. - Dale. Okay. Come, please. Come inside. 297 00:15:00,170 --> 00:15:02,255 - You like mints? - Did he say "mints"? 298 00:15:02,339 --> 00:15:04,257 Just get in the van, Jeffrey. 299 00:15:04,966 --> 00:15:06,009 All right. 300 00:15:06,092 --> 00:15:10,305 - Um, let's go, please. Ándale? - You don't need to say ándale. 301 00:15:10,388 --> 00:15:13,224 Well, the reception starts in 15 minutes, so, I mean... 302 00:15:13,308 --> 00:15:14,392 Drive, please. 303 00:15:14,476 --> 00:15:19,856 Sí. Okay, señora. I promise. I get you where you need to go very fast. 304 00:15:21,358 --> 00:15:23,777 I bet he will! 305 00:15:25,111 --> 00:15:26,780 My love. Calm down. 306 00:15:26,863 --> 00:15:29,157 Calm down? Me? Are you talking to me?! 307 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:31,493 - Did you order an Uber pool? - No. 308 00:15:33,495 --> 00:15:35,789 No, I didn't order an Uber pool. This is an Uber X. 309 00:15:35,872 --> 00:15:39,000 - Love. - I'm fed up with your bullshit. 310 00:15:39,084 --> 00:15:42,212 Okay, go with those assholes, because you don't love me. 311 00:15:42,295 --> 00:15:44,798 - Assholes? - These are my clients, not assholes. 312 00:15:44,881 --> 00:15:46,383 This is my business. 313 00:15:46,466 --> 00:15:47,342 It was us. 314 00:15:47,425 --> 00:15:51,805 You know, you left this morning without coffee, nothing to eat, 315 00:15:51,888 --> 00:15:53,682 no sex, not even a kiss. 316 00:15:53,765 --> 00:15:55,433 Oh, no. No. 317 00:15:55,517 --> 00:15:57,143 I didn't give you anything? 318 00:15:57,227 --> 00:15:59,938 I see. He is dating her. 319 00:16:00,021 --> 00:16:01,898 - Yeah. No shit. - Baby wants a titty. 320 00:16:01,982 --> 00:16:04,609 - Do you want a titty? - I deserve an apology. 321 00:16:04,693 --> 00:16:06,903 - An apology? - Hi, sorry. 322 00:16:06,987 --> 00:16:08,613 We just really, really need to go. 323 00:16:08,697 --> 00:16:11,658 It's my sister's rehearsal dinner, and we're already late. 324 00:16:11,741 --> 00:16:13,910 Comprende? Uh, emergencia. 325 00:16:13,994 --> 00:16:16,037 Babe, I think he speaks English pretty well. 326 00:16:16,121 --> 00:16:18,707 - It's a lot. - Well, it's not getting through to him. 327 00:16:18,790 --> 00:16:22,210 - Okay, fine. We can go. - Gracias. 328 00:16:22,293 --> 00:16:23,628 We are not going anywhere. 329 00:16:23,712 --> 00:16:24,879 We cannot go. 330 00:16:24,963 --> 00:16:26,756 Fuck! Order another Uber. 331 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:28,383 Yeah, that's probably for the best. 332 00:16:28,466 --> 00:16:30,385 We will begin the drive in a moment. 333 00:16:30,468 --> 00:16:34,055 Please, enjoy the water, mints, and the phone charger. 334 00:16:34,139 --> 00:16:34,973 Cool, mints. 335 00:16:35,056 --> 00:16:37,851 - Jeffrey, I don't give a shit about mints. - It's a bunch. 336 00:16:37,934 --> 00:16:40,186 Nobody gives one shit about those mints. 337 00:16:40,270 --> 00:16:43,398 - Everybody likes the mints. - No, you needs the mints! 338 00:16:43,481 --> 00:16:45,483 - Read the reviews! - They're from Costco. 339 00:16:45,567 --> 00:16:47,527 - Sí, son de Costco. - Nobody wants-- Fuck you. 340 00:16:47,610 --> 00:16:50,655 - From Costco, Miami. - Fuck your mints! 341 00:16:50,739 --> 00:16:52,949 I said order another car. 342 00:16:53,033 --> 00:16:55,535 - Hello. - I did, but it's 40 minutes away. 343 00:16:55,618 --> 00:16:57,203 - God. - I have to work. 344 00:16:57,287 --> 00:16:58,663 What happened to night school? 345 00:16:58,747 --> 00:17:00,832 - I will be a pilot. - You're not cool! 346 00:17:00,915 --> 00:17:01,958 I think it's fine. 347 00:17:02,042 --> 00:17:04,627 I actually think that they're working it out right now. 348 00:17:04,711 --> 00:17:06,629 No, you're fucking crazy. 349 00:17:06,713 --> 00:17:10,216 All the days, every day, you wake up in a crazy mood! 350 00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:12,844 - Damn it! Bastard! - One moment. 351 00:17:12,927 --> 00:17:15,180 No, you do the same shit every day! 352 00:17:15,263 --> 00:17:17,265 You wake up a crazier woman! 353 00:17:17,348 --> 00:17:19,392 - I'm not crazy! - You treat the dog better. 354 00:17:19,476 --> 00:17:20,977 You drive Uber! 355 00:17:21,061 --> 00:17:22,353 - Ooh, my minivan! - Yep. 356 00:17:22,437 --> 00:17:24,564 - How pretty, my minivan! - Uber pays. 357 00:17:24,647 --> 00:17:26,191 The minivan is shit! 358 00:17:30,653 --> 00:17:33,239 You know God is watching you right now, no? 359 00:17:33,323 --> 00:17:34,741 Look up. 360 00:17:34,824 --> 00:17:37,994 There he is. 361 00:17:39,412 --> 00:17:43,124 And he is saying, "What can we do to give a heart to Catalina?" 362 00:17:43,208 --> 00:17:45,126 "To make her a good person?" 363 00:17:45,668 --> 00:17:47,921 To touch the huevos of her man? 364 00:17:48,505 --> 00:17:50,381 She doesn't touch her man's pee-pee. 365 00:17:50,465 --> 00:17:53,259 Sir, if we could perhaps get moving, that would-- 366 00:17:53,343 --> 00:17:54,511 Shh. 367 00:17:55,303 --> 00:17:56,471 Sorry. 368 00:17:56,554 --> 00:17:57,639 - What is that? - Nothing. 369 00:17:57,722 --> 00:17:59,682 - Not nothing. Is something. - No, nothing. 370 00:17:59,766 --> 00:18:02,143 - No, I see something. Yes. - No, it's nothing. 371 00:18:02,227 --> 00:18:05,730 - Yes, that is something. - No, eat shit! 372 00:18:05,814 --> 00:18:07,690 You're not gonna leave me alone! 373 00:18:07,774 --> 00:18:10,568 Ay, eat shit! A little tickle for you too! 374 00:18:11,152 --> 00:18:13,113 - What are they doing? - Stop it! 375 00:18:13,780 --> 00:18:15,740 I think they're tickling each other? 376 00:18:18,118 --> 00:18:20,370 Oh my God. 377 00:18:21,663 --> 00:18:23,039 Your mother's cunt. 378 00:18:23,623 --> 00:18:25,125 You liked that? 379 00:18:26,501 --> 00:18:27,919 You're in deep shit. 380 00:18:33,716 --> 00:18:35,426 That's enough! That's enough! 381 00:18:37,512 --> 00:18:39,389 No, no, no! 382 00:18:40,014 --> 00:18:41,641 - Fuck! - Oh my fucking God! 383 00:18:41,724 --> 00:18:44,978 You fucking bitch! Like that? 384 00:18:45,061 --> 00:18:47,897 - We're walking. Get out of the car. - It's like 12 miles away. 385 00:18:47,981 --> 00:18:50,150 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 386 00:18:50,233 --> 00:18:52,026 Give me those! 387 00:18:52,110 --> 00:18:54,612 - Let it go! - Balls are mine! 388 00:18:54,654 --> 00:18:56,781 - We're child locked. - Could you unlock us? 389 00:18:56,865 --> 00:18:58,783 Jesus. 390 00:18:59,826 --> 00:19:02,203 Oh, yes? You want more? 391 00:19:02,287 --> 00:19:03,121 Come here! 392 00:19:03,204 --> 00:19:04,622 Eat! 393 00:19:07,125 --> 00:19:10,837 I am your queen! 394 00:19:16,092 --> 00:19:17,302 Daughter of a bitch! 395 00:19:17,385 --> 00:19:19,804 You want this papaya? 396 00:19:19,888 --> 00:19:22,765 Kiss me. 397 00:19:37,697 --> 00:19:40,366 Oh my God. Stop crying, you coward. 398 00:19:40,450 --> 00:19:42,952 I'm not crying 'cause I'm a coward. 399 00:19:44,704 --> 00:19:46,831 I'm crying 'cause it's beautiful. 400 00:19:47,498 --> 00:19:48,458 What? 401 00:19:48,541 --> 00:19:52,670 What you guys have... it's great. 402 00:19:53,755 --> 00:19:55,465 You listen to each other. 403 00:19:55,548 --> 00:19:57,258 You're vulnerable. 404 00:19:57,884 --> 00:19:58,968 I want that. 405 00:19:59,052 --> 00:20:00,803 Yeah, you deserve that. 406 00:20:00,887 --> 00:20:01,763 Yeah. 407 00:20:01,846 --> 00:20:03,431 You know what you need? 408 00:20:04,224 --> 00:20:05,558 A Latina. 409 00:20:05,642 --> 00:20:06,517 Excuse me? 410 00:20:06,601 --> 00:20:08,436 We are definitely better than that. 411 00:20:08,519 --> 00:20:11,189 She's never tickled me, never. 412 00:20:11,814 --> 00:20:14,400 - And she makes me dress like this. - You look nice. 413 00:20:14,484 --> 00:20:15,568 I look fucking stupid. 414 00:20:15,652 --> 00:20:17,070 Yeah, you look very stupid. 415 00:20:17,153 --> 00:20:18,071 I know! 416 00:20:18,154 --> 00:20:21,324 Anyway, I'm going to fuck her now. 417 00:20:21,407 --> 00:20:22,700 Of course, of course. 418 00:20:25,036 --> 00:20:26,371 Can I watch? 419 00:20:31,668 --> 00:20:34,003 Goddamn it.