WEBVTT 00:18.664 --> 00:20.291 - First team's walking. - Copy that. 00:20.374 --> 00:21.250 Tom, hey. 00:21.333 --> 00:22.334 - Hey. - How you doing? 00:22.418 --> 00:23.669 - Good. - Find the place okay? 00:23.753 --> 00:25.755 Yeah, I mean, it's kind of a maze, but yeah. 00:25.838 --> 00:27.214 Yeah, they don't make it easy. 00:27.298 --> 00:29.759 - Such a big fan of your work. - Oh, thanks, man. 00:29.842 --> 00:31.010 You still do stand-up? 00:31.093 --> 00:32.470 - Yeah. - Really? 00:32.553 --> 00:33.637 Tom! 00:34.263 --> 00:37.308 - Hey. Hi. - There he is. 00:37.391 --> 00:39.810 - Oh, come here. It's so good to see you. - Oh! All right. 00:39.894 --> 00:41.520 You feeling all right? Ready to go? 00:41.604 --> 00:43.564 - Yeah, I think so. Yeah. - Okay. 00:43.647 --> 00:46.025 I am so sorry about the last-minute schedule changes. 00:46.108 --> 00:48.194 I know it's a lot to start with the sex scene. 00:48.277 --> 00:50.613 They're always a little weird, but you've done it before, so... 00:50.696 --> 00:53.949 I haven't. This is, uh, this is my first one. 00:54.033 --> 00:54.950 - Really? - Yeah. 00:55.034 --> 00:56.786 - Tom. - This is Celeste. 00:56.869 --> 01:00.039 - Oh, wow. So nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you too. 01:00.122 --> 01:02.666 - This is Tom's first ever sex scene. - Oh! 01:02.750 --> 01:04.210 - Barbara just landed. - Oh, fantastic. 01:04.293 --> 01:05.544 Well, you know, 01:05.628 --> 01:08.089 you don't have to do anything that you're not comfortable with. 01:08.172 --> 01:09.423 Oh, I'm down for anything. 01:09.507 --> 01:11.675 I just wanna make sure that you're comfortable. 01:11.759 --> 01:12.927 Uh, excuse me. 01:13.010 --> 01:16.722 Everybody, if I could have your attention before we get started on rehearsal. 01:16.806 --> 01:19.934 I'd like to introduce our intimacy coordinator, Barbara. 01:24.688 --> 01:27.399 Who's ready to bring this picture to life? 01:29.985 --> 01:31.278 Tom, this is Barbara. 01:31.362 --> 01:34.573 She's here to make sure that everybody feels safe and comfortable. 01:34.657 --> 01:37.034 - Ready for first scene. - Rehearsal's up. 01:37.118 --> 01:38.702 Everyone, rehearsal's up. 01:38.786 --> 01:41.539 I just wanted to say, uh, I'm grateful you're here. 01:41.622 --> 01:44.750 I've never done a scene like this, so just, thank you. 01:46.335 --> 01:47.545 Where did you train? 01:48.129 --> 01:53.050 Uh, not like a professional, you know, school or anything like that, 01:53.134 --> 01:54.718 but I come from stand-up comedy and I-- 01:54.802 --> 01:57.680 Oh, oh. 01:57.763 --> 01:59.807 A lot of perverts in your industry. 02:00.641 --> 02:04.061 - Mm-hmm. - Uh, there's a few bad eggs, yeah. 02:04.145 --> 02:07.148 I don't know you at all. 02:07.231 --> 02:11.610 I don't trust you, and I go by my gut. 02:11.694 --> 02:14.613 I feel like you're coming at me like I've done something wrong. 02:14.697 --> 02:19.910 Yeah. Well, there's absolutely no funny business on my set. 02:19.994 --> 02:23.080 I got my eyes on you, okay? 02:23.164 --> 02:24.165 Okay. 02:30.379 --> 02:33.340 Guys! 02:33.424 --> 02:35.217 ...me up? Okay. 02:35.301 --> 02:36.886 - Here we go. - Settle in. 02:36.969 --> 02:39.638 - Rehearsal's up. - Everybody, let's clear. 02:41.932 --> 02:44.059 Ready, and action. 02:44.143 --> 02:46.937 Goddamn it. 02:47.688 --> 02:48.939 I am such a fool. 02:49.607 --> 02:52.484 Why did we even come to the Amalfi Coast? 02:52.985 --> 02:55.446 There was never any treasure here. 02:56.864 --> 03:00.326 Vera, the only treasure I need is right in front of me. 03:03.454 --> 03:04.288 And it says we kiss? 03:04.371 --> 03:06.832 Stop! 03:06.916 --> 03:08.876 Stop! 03:10.169 --> 03:12.213 - Michael? - No, I'm sorry, I-I-- 03:12.296 --> 03:14.173 This is a symphony. 03:14.256 --> 03:20.763 It is harmonies, rhythms, fortes, pianissimos, 03:20.846 --> 03:24.516 and I am the conductor. 03:24.600 --> 03:28.520 I-I asked-- I asked if I should kiss. I didn't do anything. 03:28.604 --> 03:30.231 You know what? Why don't we... 03:30.314 --> 03:32.650 - Let's move to the next part of the scene. - Uh-huh. 03:32.733 --> 03:34.235 The bed. Go to the bed scene? 03:34.318 --> 03:35.736 - Bed scene's up. - Yeah. 03:35.819 --> 03:40.491 Look, do you think we can get a different intimacy coordinator? 03:40.574 --> 03:41.992 A different...? 03:42.076 --> 03:44.787 Tom, she's the best in the world. 03:44.870 --> 03:47.039 No one makes actors feel more comfortable. 03:50.000 --> 03:51.710 All right, now, it's really romantic. 03:51.794 --> 03:53.837 It's sweet, it's sensual. 03:53.921 --> 03:55.214 So you're making out. 03:56.048 --> 03:57.841 - Now? - Action. 04:05.683 --> 04:07.768 - I'll take care of it. - Thank you. 04:10.437 --> 04:12.439 - Ow! - What the fuck? 04:12.523 --> 04:13.691 Kiss her. Kiss her. 04:13.774 --> 04:17.319 Are you sure? I just got, uh, some mixed signals from you today. 04:17.903 --> 04:19.655 Kiss her. Kiss her. 04:21.865 --> 04:24.201 - Just... mouth on mouth. - Unexpected. Okay, okay. 04:24.285 --> 04:25.244 Yeah. 04:27.079 --> 04:28.872 - Uh, Mike? - Yeah. 04:28.956 --> 04:32.376 It-- it says in the script that I... I grab her bosom? 04:32.459 --> 04:33.377 Yeah. 04:37.131 --> 04:38.465 I don't wanna do that. 04:39.091 --> 04:40.634 Tom... Tom, it's okay. 04:40.718 --> 04:42.803 - Hit those titties. - Just grab 'em. 04:42.886 --> 04:44.388 Just grab 'em. It's okay. 04:44.471 --> 04:45.889 Come on, Tom. Get in there. 04:46.640 --> 04:48.434 - Jesus, Tom, go. - You're so close. 04:48.517 --> 04:49.560 That's my shoulder. 04:49.643 --> 04:51.186 - Yeah. - Tommy, what's up? 04:51.270 --> 04:54.565 I mean, you know, tits, who's into those now? 04:54.648 --> 04:56.275 - You need me to step in? - Please. 04:56.358 --> 04:58.110 I'll play with her tits. Suck on her tits. 04:58.193 --> 04:59.737 Then I'll smack 'em around. 04:59.820 --> 05:01.155 Move over. Get over. 05:01.238 --> 05:03.407 - You want me to roll this way? - No, this is it. 05:03.490 --> 05:06.452 - Okay. - I'll just get in there. Tom, straddle me. 05:06.535 --> 05:08.787 - I straddle you from here? - Mm-hmm. 05:10.873 --> 05:14.418 Do you think you can not get aroused? Be a professional? Be a man? 05:14.501 --> 05:17.171 This is how we did Brokeback, Heated Rivalry. 05:17.254 --> 05:19.798 If you'd ever had any kind of formal training, 05:19.882 --> 05:21.008 you'd know about this. 05:21.091 --> 05:23.677 - And now, I reach my hands up. - Yeah. 05:23.761 --> 05:25.846 - Bring your mouth to my mouth. - Yeah. 05:25.929 --> 05:28.223 - But she's in between us? Okay. - Mm-hmm. 05:28.307 --> 05:31.185 - Oh, this is perfect. - Barbara, that's brilliant. Yes. 05:31.268 --> 05:34.396 What do you think if Vera were to be on top? 05:34.480 --> 05:36.148 - Yes! - That's nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 05:36.231 --> 05:37.775 Okay. 05:37.858 --> 05:40.861 Okay, Tom, lay it down. Lay it down right here. 05:40.944 --> 05:44.406 - So then if I'm... here. Okay? - Mm-hmm. 05:44.490 --> 05:45.991 - I can't talk like this. - That's great. 05:46.075 --> 05:47.910 You're just gonna sit on my face? 05:47.993 --> 05:49.787 Okay, I have his hands. Don't worry. 05:49.870 --> 05:51.080 Tom, no funny business. 05:51.163 --> 05:55.667 Now once Vera is up here and mounted, and then I throw my hair back... 05:55.751 --> 05:56.752 Celeste, just like that. 05:59.838 --> 06:02.257 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's like you're carrying the scene. 06:02.341 --> 06:04.343 Everything goes to you. 06:04.426 --> 06:06.053 Oh! 06:08.972 --> 06:11.350 - Oh my God. - I couldn't breathe under there. 06:11.433 --> 06:14.353 - Ow! Ow! Ow! - Oh my-- 06:15.562 --> 06:17.606 That was a little rough, Tom. 06:19.400 --> 06:22.277 I just think I could make it a little more... 06:22.361 --> 06:23.821 ...it played like I-- I have to... 06:23.904 --> 06:27.116 We have to start shooting. We've been rehearsing all day. It's crazy. 06:27.199 --> 06:29.034 Could you do, like, an earwig? 06:29.118 --> 06:30.661 Earwig? Yeah. 06:30.744 --> 06:32.079 - Yes. Yeah. - Yes. 06:32.162 --> 06:34.289 - That's fine. - Okay, everybody, picture's up. 06:34.373 --> 06:35.791 We're gonna shoot. 06:35.874 --> 06:39.378 Tom, um, we're just gonna jump right to the sex scene, okay? 06:39.962 --> 06:41.922 - We haven't rehearsed that yet. - I know. 06:42.005 --> 06:43.841 Um, we're gonna give you an earpiece, 06:43.924 --> 06:47.428 and then Barbara is just, she's gonna walk you through the whole thing. 06:47.511 --> 06:50.305 Trust me. She does this in all the big movies. Think of it as a... 06:51.765 --> 06:53.517 Think of it as a rite of passage. 06:54.560 --> 06:55.644 Okay. 06:56.979 --> 06:59.022 We're rolling. Quiet! 06:59.106 --> 07:01.650 We'll do that tomorrow, okay? All right, um... 07:01.733 --> 07:04.194 The earpiece is weird. 07:04.278 --> 07:05.279 Yeah. 07:07.406 --> 07:08.824 All right, here we go. 07:12.536 --> 07:13.454 Are you good? 07:13.537 --> 07:17.124 Yeah. You're really sweaty. He's, like, so sweaty. 07:17.207 --> 07:18.750 Can we get a thing there? Yeah. 07:18.834 --> 07:20.043 - All right, Tom? - Sorry. 07:20.127 --> 07:23.255 - It's okay. - You're in love, and you say...? 07:24.047 --> 07:24.882 Um... 07:25.466 --> 07:27.968 "Promise me this is real." Okay, you got this. 07:28.051 --> 07:30.137 "Promise"-- Yeah. "Promise... this is real." 07:30.220 --> 07:32.222 Fucking kill me. No more comedians. 07:32.306 --> 07:33.932 Okay, this is for you, Cosby. 07:34.016 --> 07:35.017 Listen up. 07:35.100 --> 07:37.936 Don't even think about getting hard. Do not get hard. 07:38.020 --> 07:40.522 You fucking pervert. I've seen the way you look at her. 07:40.606 --> 07:43.192 - You understand me, pedo? - Let's roll camera. 07:43.275 --> 07:44.776 Rolling! 07:44.860 --> 07:46.987 Amalfi Coast, scene 24, take one. 07:47.070 --> 07:49.114 Oh, you just want to dig it in. 07:49.198 --> 07:50.949 She is not one of your whores. 07:51.533 --> 07:54.745 She's not a victim like that. And I'm not a victim. 07:54.828 --> 07:57.748 We are not your victims, Tom. 07:57.831 --> 08:00.459 - What are you talking about? - Tom, keep it together. Come on. 08:00.542 --> 08:02.753 - Stop saying that shit. - I know your type. 08:02.836 --> 08:05.088 "I'm a sensitive guy. I had a single mother." 08:05.172 --> 08:08.008 - "I know what women's lives are like." - Are you okay? 08:08.091 --> 08:09.593 - Yeah. - Oh, remember Mommy? 08:09.676 --> 08:12.930 No, you don't. Because she wasn't ever home. 08:13.597 --> 08:18.060 Mommy didn't come home because Mommy didn't love you. 08:18.685 --> 08:20.187 Whoops! 08:20.270 --> 08:21.480 You disgust me. 08:21.563 --> 08:24.983 You make me ill. 08:25.067 --> 08:27.819 Clown, comedy. 08:27.903 --> 08:29.696 Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. 08:29.780 --> 08:33.408 It's all a mask for the monster within. 08:34.493 --> 08:35.577 Action! 08:36.537 --> 08:39.289 Tonight's five nominees transported us 08:39.373 --> 08:43.210 with their spellbinding and often surprising performances. 08:43.293 --> 08:48.632 And the award for Best Actor in a Major Motion Picture goes to... 08:49.883 --> 08:51.301 Tom Segura. 08:51.927 --> 08:53.887 Promise me this is real. 08:54.471 --> 08:56.139 I know it is. 08:57.140 --> 08:58.183 I'm scared. 08:58.267 --> 09:01.103 I'm scared. 09:01.186 --> 09:02.729 I'm so scared. 09:03.230 --> 09:04.815 I'm so scared. 09:10.112 --> 09:11.822 Unfortunately, 09:11.905 --> 09:15.784 Tom tragically took his life the day the film completed production. 09:17.286 --> 09:22.499 But I'm certain he would want this award to go to his intimacy coordinator, Bar-- 09:50.861 --> 09:51.820 There you go. 09:52.696 --> 09:55.115 What the fuck? 09:56.033 --> 09:56.867 What? 09:57.451 --> 09:58.744 Fuck! 09:58.827 --> 10:00.912 Fuck, man! Why'd you shoot him? 10:01.622 --> 10:03.624 - You gave me the signal. - No, I didn't. 10:03.707 --> 10:06.543 - You did your head like this. - That's not the signal. 10:06.627 --> 10:08.211 I thought that was the signal. 10:08.295 --> 10:09.755 That was a nod, you know? 10:09.838 --> 10:12.341 Like, "Hey, hey, what's up, dawg?" 10:12.424 --> 10:13.467 You know? "Hello." 10:13.550 --> 10:16.094 I thought that was, you know, like the signal. 10:16.178 --> 10:19.431 Man, no! I would've gave you a clear fucking signal. 10:19.514 --> 10:20.390 Like what? 10:20.474 --> 10:22.851 Like the signal, man. The fucking... 10:23.352 --> 10:25.312 That's really close to the last one. 10:25.395 --> 10:26.563 Fuck no, it isn't. 10:26.647 --> 10:28.440 They're both head... things. 10:28.523 --> 10:32.986 No, that's-- that's fucking "hello" without saying hello. 10:33.070 --> 10:33.904 This... 10:34.905 --> 10:36.114 This... 10:37.824 --> 10:39.368 Hey, look at me, look at me. 10:40.744 --> 10:41.870 That's the signal. 10:41.953 --> 10:42.996 They're very close. 10:43.080 --> 10:45.332 What are you talking about? They're different! 10:45.415 --> 10:46.875 Fuck, man, you killed my cousin. 10:47.542 --> 10:49.670 That's a 22-year-old Mexican kid, man. 10:49.753 --> 10:51.588 Does that look like the Russian Butcher to you? 10:51.672 --> 10:55.676 - What's the Butcher look like? - He looks like a Russian butcher. 10:55.759 --> 10:57.636 I'll tell you what he doesn't look like. 10:57.719 --> 10:59.471 He doesn't look like my little cousin Juanito, 10:59.554 --> 11:01.390 aka Flaco, aka Moco, 11:01.473 --> 11:02.933 aka Chino from Irvine. 11:03.016 --> 11:04.893 - He's got all those nicknames? - Yeah, man. 11:04.976 --> 11:07.312 And lately, we started calling him Little Buff Guy. 11:07.396 --> 11:09.898 He started working out and shit. He's all into it. 11:09.981 --> 11:13.485 - I can see. - Fuck, Tony. You fucked up, man. 11:13.568 --> 11:15.112 Fuck, man. Fuck! 11:15.612 --> 11:18.365 - Why don't we work on signals? - What? 11:18.448 --> 11:20.158 Yeah, so this doesn't happen again. 11:20.242 --> 11:22.411 Tony, what the fuck are you talking about, man? 11:22.494 --> 11:25.247 All right, we need a clear signal. 11:31.169 --> 11:35.799 - What's that? You're clearing your throat. - But if we know that it means something... 11:35.882 --> 11:38.051 Well, what if you have to clear your throat in real life? 11:38.135 --> 11:39.302 All right, how about, uh... 11:40.095 --> 11:41.096 Uh... 11:43.265 --> 11:44.349 That's a good signal. 11:44.433 --> 11:45.767 Point my finger? 11:45.851 --> 11:47.144 It's clear. 11:47.227 --> 11:48.353 "Shoot him." 11:50.439 --> 11:51.690 You got another one? 11:51.773 --> 11:53.859 Yeah, how about I just go like this? Hey... 11:57.446 --> 12:00.741 - That works. - Yeah? That's not a fucking signal! 12:00.824 --> 12:02.492 Tony, that's a full gesture! 12:02.576 --> 12:05.287 This ain't The Price is Right. I ain't Vanna White. 12:05.370 --> 12:06.413 Wheel of Fortune. 12:06.997 --> 12:09.040 - What? - Vanna White's Wheel of Fortune. 12:10.083 --> 12:11.710 I'm just saying. 12:11.793 --> 12:12.753 Look, I'm sorry. 12:13.795 --> 12:16.673 Your cousin, I'm sorry I killed him. 12:16.757 --> 12:18.592 I feel really embarrassed right now. 12:18.675 --> 12:21.094 Fuck. You fucked up, man. 12:21.178 --> 12:22.304 You fucked up bad. 12:22.387 --> 12:24.181 This is my fucking family. 12:24.264 --> 12:26.683 Fuck, man. Should be fun to tell his mom, huh? 12:26.767 --> 12:29.352 "Hey, Tía, I picked up Flaco from the airport." 12:29.436 --> 12:30.479 "We came downtown, 12:30.562 --> 12:33.982 and then my colleague shot him in the head when I just said, 'What's up?'" 12:35.233 --> 12:39.488 You didn't say, "What's up." All right? You gave me a signal. 12:43.116 --> 12:44.993 And I want you to know something. 12:45.076 --> 12:47.454 You're making me feel real bad about it. 12:50.582 --> 12:52.751 Fuck! Well, this should be fun. 12:52.834 --> 12:55.045 She's calling. Fuck am I gonna tell her? 12:55.128 --> 12:57.464 Thank you, asshole. 12:58.590 --> 13:01.718 - Tell her I'm sorry. - Hey, hey, Tía. 13:01.802 --> 13:03.470 Uh, no, no, Moco's having a blast. 13:03.553 --> 13:05.722 I mean, uh, uh, he's having fun. 13:05.806 --> 13:09.643 No, no, he's just not answering 'cause, uh, he's getting a massage. 13:10.227 --> 13:12.813 I'm waiting here in the lobby. 13:12.896 --> 13:14.606 They got a really nice lobby. 13:14.689 --> 13:18.401 He's in a deep, like, trance. He might not even call you until tomorrow. 13:20.028 --> 13:21.738 He's having so much fun. 13:22.239 --> 13:25.534 No, he can't talk right now because there's an Asian lady on top of him. 13:25.617 --> 13:27.953 - It smells like eucalyptus. - Privet. 13:28.703 --> 13:29.830 You know, eucalyptus? 13:29.913 --> 13:34.251 It seems as though people in this city believe you are looking for me. 13:34.334 --> 13:36.503 - Yeah, I'm not sure... - Who are you? 13:37.087 --> 13:39.256 I prefer to ask the questions myself. 13:39.339 --> 13:41.091 - ...scrub him, and... - Okay. 13:41.174 --> 13:42.843 You know, bathe him, and... 13:50.433 --> 13:51.476 Shoot him! 14:06.783 --> 14:08.243 You know him? 14:08.326 --> 14:10.287 That's my cousin. 14:10.370 --> 14:12.330 This dumb motherfucker thought it was you. 14:14.833 --> 14:15.959 He's Meksikanskiy. 14:16.042 --> 14:17.961 - Yeah? - You ready? 14:18.044 --> 14:19.504 Wait, let me give you the nod first. 14:20.171 --> 14:23.049 Yeah, that's what's up. See? Yeah. Yeah, you get it. 14:24.718 --> 14:25.886 Okay, ready? 14:26.970 --> 14:28.722 It's a clear difference between the nod-- 14:39.566 --> 14:42.027 She's here! 14:42.110 --> 14:43.570 Phil, she's here! 14:43.653 --> 14:45.322 All right, all right! 14:48.241 --> 14:49.576 There she is. 14:49.659 --> 14:52.787 - Oh gosh, sweetie, welcome home. - Hi. 14:52.871 --> 14:54.122 Hi, Mom. 14:54.205 --> 14:55.832 Hi, honey. 14:55.916 --> 14:58.460 - Hi, Dad. - Darling, how are you? 14:58.543 --> 15:00.921 God, my hair. 15:01.004 --> 15:03.506 Almost drowned out there. It's fucking raining. 15:03.590 --> 15:04.841 Oh, you look great. 15:04.925 --> 15:08.011 Mom, I see you decided to cut your hair. 15:08.094 --> 15:09.679 Oh, do you like it? 15:09.763 --> 15:13.308 Uh, yeah. Totally works for you, I guess. 15:13.391 --> 15:16.895 - Thank you. - We missed you so much. 15:16.978 --> 15:19.189 God, I was gone like eight months. 15:19.272 --> 15:21.733 I swear, you guys are, like, so attached. 15:21.816 --> 15:23.610 It's crazy. 15:23.693 --> 15:27.113 Uh, honey, what's that? 15:28.490 --> 15:31.785 It's a tattoo of a heart, and it has the word "home" in it. 15:31.868 --> 15:35.038 I'm sorry, but you know how we feel about tattoos. 15:35.121 --> 15:36.623 You've only got one body. 15:36.706 --> 15:39.584 Oh, wow. So now you have a say in my body? 15:40.210 --> 15:43.004 Why don't you tell me what brand of tampon I'm allowed to use, Dad? 15:43.088 --> 15:44.172 So gross. 15:44.255 --> 15:45.924 Patriarchy much? 15:46.007 --> 15:50.512 I just got it to remind myself where I come from or whatever. 15:51.096 --> 15:52.472 I love you guys. 15:52.555 --> 15:56.476 - Aw, sweetie, that's so nice. - Yeah. 15:56.559 --> 15:58.728 Yeah, no shit. I'm super thoughtful. 15:58.812 --> 16:02.232 So, how was the study abroad program? 16:02.315 --> 16:03.984 - Do you speak French now? - Oh, right! 16:04.067 --> 16:06.361 Uh, oui. 16:06.444 --> 16:08.530 It was amazing. So fucking cool. 16:08.613 --> 16:11.241 I'm gonna think about what I wanna do with my major, you know? 16:11.324 --> 16:12.534 Probably gonna switch it up. 16:12.617 --> 16:15.745 Maybe, like, art or, like, math or, like, the trumpet. 16:15.829 --> 16:19.040 I don't know. I'm just evolving so fast right now, it's crazy. 16:19.124 --> 16:23.503 - We are so proud of you. - I know. Anyway, I got you guys something. 16:24.170 --> 16:25.005 It's, like, whatever, 16:25.088 --> 16:28.425 but I figured I'd get you something 'cause you paid for my fucking trip. 16:28.508 --> 16:30.593 Fuck. Where the fuck are these fucking things? 16:30.677 --> 16:31.845 Oh. 16:34.180 --> 16:35.432 Caitlyn? 16:36.016 --> 16:37.475 Oh my God, what now? 16:37.559 --> 16:39.185 What is that? 16:39.269 --> 16:42.981 You're so uncultured. It's the Eiffel Tower from Paris. 16:43.064 --> 16:43.898 Ugh. 16:44.482 --> 16:46.651 No, on your back. 16:46.735 --> 16:50.613 On your lower back. Is that... Hitler? 16:50.697 --> 16:54.034 Uh, yeah, obviously. What's the fucking problem? 16:54.784 --> 16:55.827 It's Hitler. 16:55.910 --> 16:57.746 Oh my God. 16:57.829 --> 16:59.914 What do you specifically see? 17:01.374 --> 17:03.960 I cannot believe how fucking stupid these two are. 17:04.044 --> 17:05.086 Oh my God. 17:05.170 --> 17:06.588 He's smiling. 17:07.589 --> 17:11.092 Exactly, thank you. Somebody has fucking eyes now, I guess. 17:11.176 --> 17:12.844 "Exactly" what? 17:14.012 --> 17:15.138 He's happy here. 17:15.221 --> 17:16.514 On your back? 17:16.598 --> 17:19.434 It's just showing him in good spirits. 17:19.517 --> 17:23.146 Sweetie... ...if Hitler's in good spirits, 17:23.229 --> 17:27.442 it probably means he just did something horrifically awful. 17:31.529 --> 17:33.114 Describe his smile. 17:34.657 --> 17:35.909 It's gross. 17:37.160 --> 17:39.621 No, be objective. 17:40.789 --> 17:41.956 Is it bad? 17:43.333 --> 17:45.835 Is it a bad smile, Dad? 17:46.961 --> 17:48.129 It's good? 17:49.172 --> 17:50.256 It's a great smile. 17:50.340 --> 17:51.382 Oh my God. 17:51.466 --> 17:52.467 Admit it. 17:53.176 --> 17:54.511 Okay. All right, fine. 17:54.594 --> 17:56.805 Hitler has a great smile. Is that what you want me to say? 17:56.888 --> 18:00.016 - That Hitler has a great smile? - He's mogging. 18:00.100 --> 18:02.102 - But, honey-- - He's like a low-tier Chad, Dad. 18:02.185 --> 18:05.563 You understand that he is an awful person, right? 18:05.647 --> 18:10.068 - That's like the whole fucking point, Dad. - Okay, good. Great. 18:10.777 --> 18:11.736 Wait, what? 18:11.820 --> 18:14.364 Oh my God. You guys are so fucking cringe. 18:14.447 --> 18:16.407 - You watch your mouth. - I'm not cringe. 18:16.491 --> 18:18.701 All I'm saying is that I got this tattoo 18:18.785 --> 18:22.956 to remind me to be careful in the real world, okay? 18:23.039 --> 18:26.167 Like, I look at it every single day, 18:26.251 --> 18:30.672 and I remember that just because somebody has a nice smile, 18:31.297 --> 18:33.883 it doesn't mean that they're a nice person. 18:33.967 --> 18:35.677 Like, the Führer was, like... 18:36.928 --> 18:38.304 he was kind of a dick. 18:41.224 --> 18:43.518 Oh no, the power went out. 18:43.601 --> 18:46.104 I guess I'll fix it. I mean, obviously. 18:46.187 --> 18:49.941 God, I have to do everything around here. These two are so fucking helpless. 18:50.024 --> 18:53.236 They'd just live in the dark if I wasn't here. Jesus Christ. 18:54.487 --> 18:55.655 What? 18:56.447 --> 18:58.783 It's glow-in-the-dark ink. 18:58.867 --> 19:00.326 It's super cutting-edge. 19:00.410 --> 19:03.288 Barely anybody has it, except for Rachel Sennott or whatever. 19:03.371 --> 19:05.081 Why the Twin Towers? 19:05.165 --> 19:07.750 Uh, really, Mom? 9/11? 19:07.834 --> 19:10.086 Ever heard of it? This one's super easy. 19:10.670 --> 19:16.050 Never forget what Hitler did, even though he had an amazing smile. 19:17.635 --> 19:19.220 Don't judge a book by its cover. 19:19.304 --> 19:20.513 Did Hitler just wink? 19:20.597 --> 19:22.348 It's animated ink. 19:22.432 --> 19:25.727 Jesus, open your ears. I mean, this one moves too. 19:25.810 --> 19:26.811 Oh my God. 19:26.895 --> 19:30.148 Sweetie, please tell me that's not R. Kelly. 19:30.231 --> 19:31.107 Okay, I won't. 19:31.191 --> 19:35.612 - Why would you have--? - R. Kelly is another reminder. 19:35.695 --> 19:36.863 Of what? 19:37.447 --> 19:38.948 To drink water. 19:40.950 --> 19:42.702 So that I pee. 19:42.785 --> 19:43.995 Oh my God. 19:44.078 --> 19:47.332 Why do you need a tattoo of R. Kelly to remind you to pee? 19:47.415 --> 19:49.459 'Cause he's like the pee guy or whatever. 19:49.542 --> 19:51.502 Why is he licking his lips? 19:51.586 --> 19:53.838 Because his mouth is dry. 19:55.924 --> 19:59.010 No wonder I'm gonna be the first one to graduate college in this family. 19:59.093 --> 20:01.804 You know what? This has gone far enough. That's it. 20:01.888 --> 20:03.681 - You're getting them removed. - Mm-hmm. 20:03.765 --> 20:04.891 Wow. 20:05.391 --> 20:06.517 Wow. 20:06.601 --> 20:08.645 I knew you'd be close-minded. 20:08.728 --> 20:10.438 Andre said you'd freak out. 20:10.521 --> 20:12.482 Who is Andre? 20:12.565 --> 20:14.025 My tattoo artist. 20:15.151 --> 20:16.402 And my boyfriend. 20:16.486 --> 20:17.987 Boyfriend? 20:18.821 --> 20:21.824 But you came out as a lesbian at Thanksgiving. 20:21.908 --> 20:23.201 Okay, I came out as bi. 20:23.284 --> 20:26.246 And that was mostly for attention. I thought that was obvious. 20:26.329 --> 20:29.123 Andre is an art major. 20:29.207 --> 20:32.085 He's a junior, and he invented the ink. 20:32.794 --> 20:35.255 He also just made Forbes' 30 Over 40 List. 20:35.338 --> 20:36.756 He's over 40? 20:36.839 --> 20:39.259 Dad, you are missing the point. 20:39.342 --> 20:40.927 What point? 20:41.010 --> 20:43.471 I'm marrying into money. 20:44.097 --> 20:45.265 - Oh. - Hm. 20:45.348 --> 20:47.892 College is terrifying. 20:48.434 --> 20:50.186 Everybody has a path. 20:50.270 --> 20:52.105 And I don't yet. 20:52.689 --> 20:56.192 Dad, you always said to have a backup plan. 20:56.276 --> 20:59.988 Well, Andre is my backup plan. 21:00.071 --> 21:04.367 And if I get these lasered off, he's gonna think I don't support his art. 21:04.951 --> 21:06.160 And then what? 21:06.244 --> 21:12.083 I'm just stuck with this dumb degree that literally nobody asked for? 21:12.166 --> 21:13.543 Is that what you want? 21:13.626 --> 21:15.712 - Oh, honey, no, no. - No, sweetheart. 21:15.795 --> 21:17.505 - No. - Sweetheart. 21:17.588 --> 21:19.257 We trust you. 21:19.340 --> 21:20.717 - We love you. - Yeah. 21:20.800 --> 21:23.052 Yeah. I love me too. 21:23.636 --> 21:26.139 By the way, I also do porn now.