1 00:00:15,786 --> 00:00:17,580 I also sleep with a weighted blanket 2 00:00:17,663 --> 00:00:19,623 'cause I like to feel somebody on top of me, 3 00:00:19,707 --> 00:00:22,668 but I don't have to have hair in my mouth, 4 00:00:22,752 --> 00:00:24,628 so I sleep with a weighted blanket, 5 00:00:24,712 --> 00:00:26,797 which also helps with wet dreams. 6 00:00:26,881 --> 00:00:30,217 And by help, I mean it causes them, so... 7 00:00:30,301 --> 00:00:32,762 Weighted blankets, yeah, good for wet dreams, 8 00:00:32,845 --> 00:00:35,056 shitty for house fires, I'll tell you that. 9 00:00:38,601 --> 00:00:40,561 You know, Christina said I have great balls. 10 00:00:41,854 --> 00:00:45,900 Which really just feels like she's saying, "Your dick's not worth talking about." 11 00:00:46,859 --> 00:00:48,861 We're not supposed to be married. 12 00:00:50,738 --> 00:00:51,781 Right? 13 00:00:51,864 --> 00:00:52,865 They're here. 14 00:00:53,699 --> 00:00:54,825 What's here? 15 00:00:55,326 --> 00:00:56,494 My merch. 16 00:00:58,746 --> 00:01:01,332 You have an 18-wheeler dropping off merch? 17 00:01:01,415 --> 00:01:02,374 Yeah, man. 18 00:01:03,209 --> 00:01:05,544 It's a big day. 19 00:01:08,631 --> 00:01:09,715 Wait, what? 20 00:01:09,799 --> 00:01:13,344 Remember when you said take something from my act, throw my name on it, 21 00:01:13,427 --> 00:01:14,929 make a little extra scratch? 22 00:01:15,513 --> 00:01:16,722 Yeah, I remember that. 23 00:01:17,473 --> 00:01:19,016 I went with weighted blankets. 24 00:01:22,019 --> 00:01:24,855 - Weighted blankets? - Yeah. 25 00:01:30,361 --> 00:01:31,654 'Cause they make you nut. 26 00:01:32,613 --> 00:01:34,198 Wait, are you ser-- 27 00:01:34,281 --> 00:01:36,992 Is this truck really full of weighted blankets? 28 00:01:37,535 --> 00:01:38,494 Yeah. 29 00:01:39,328 --> 00:01:42,581 Kirk... merch for comedy shows 30 00:01:42,665 --> 00:01:45,668 is like T-shirts, hats, beer koozies. 31 00:01:45,751 --> 00:01:47,461 They love my weighted blanket bit. 32 00:01:47,545 --> 00:01:49,171 Honestly, it's not even really a bit. 33 00:01:49,255 --> 00:01:51,924 You just kind of have a couple lines about it. 34 00:01:52,508 --> 00:01:53,968 Wait, how much do they weigh? 35 00:01:54,552 --> 00:01:55,803 Hundred and twenty-five. 36 00:01:56,387 --> 00:01:57,263 Pounds? 37 00:01:57,346 --> 00:01:58,597 Yeah. 38 00:01:58,681 --> 00:02:01,183 I thought weighted blankets weighed, like, 10 or 15 pounds. 39 00:02:01,267 --> 00:02:03,185 I wanted to stand out. 40 00:02:03,269 --> 00:02:05,229 Dude, you wear a hat at every show. 41 00:02:05,312 --> 00:02:09,316 You don't think a Kirk Fox... hat is a good idea? 42 00:02:09,400 --> 00:02:11,485 Yeah, weighted hats. 43 00:02:11,569 --> 00:02:14,363 No, what... what is your deal with weighted stuff? 44 00:02:15,698 --> 00:02:17,950 Kirk, how many of these did you order? 45 00:02:18,534 --> 00:02:19,952 400,000 worth. 46 00:02:20,035 --> 00:02:21,036 What? 47 00:02:21,996 --> 00:02:24,790 Yeah, they lowered the cost 'cause I got a bulk order. 48 00:02:24,874 --> 00:02:26,876 Four hundred grand? 49 00:02:26,959 --> 00:02:28,586 Got an equity line on the house. 50 00:02:29,170 --> 00:02:31,463 - Can I ask you something? - Yeah. 51 00:02:31,547 --> 00:02:33,883 What the fuck is wrong with you? 52 00:02:35,467 --> 00:02:37,219 I've never been clearer. 53 00:02:39,305 --> 00:02:41,682 - Did you tell them? - That they'll nut? 54 00:02:41,765 --> 00:02:44,560 Yes, I did what you said, but no one gets it. 55 00:02:44,643 --> 00:02:48,022 - Everyone's super confused. - You gotta take it off the table! 56 00:02:48,105 --> 00:02:49,523 You gotta demonstrate. 57 00:02:49,607 --> 00:02:51,400 Kirk Fox makes you come. 58 00:02:51,483 --> 00:02:53,611 I tried, but it's too heavy. 59 00:02:53,694 --> 00:02:56,197 I mean, I had both knees replaced last month. 60 00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:59,325 I don't give a shit about your knees, you fucking old bitch. 61 00:02:59,408 --> 00:03:00,409 How's it going, man? 62 00:03:01,619 --> 00:03:03,454 Well, she's not showing them how to use it. 63 00:03:03,537 --> 00:03:06,540 You gotta show them how to use it. I told you that. 64 00:03:06,624 --> 00:03:09,043 It's a blanket. People get it. 65 00:03:09,126 --> 00:03:10,628 It's a weighted blanket. 66 00:03:10,711 --> 00:03:12,463 Right, I forgot that. 67 00:03:12,546 --> 00:03:14,590 If you lay down like this, 68 00:03:15,591 --> 00:03:17,134 it's a weighted blanket. 69 00:03:18,177 --> 00:03:19,261 Give me one. 70 00:03:19,845 --> 00:03:21,055 Do you need a hand? 71 00:03:22,056 --> 00:03:24,516 Oh my God. 72 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:25,893 Jesus! 73 00:03:25,976 --> 00:03:27,895 Oh my God. Are you okay? 74 00:03:27,978 --> 00:03:30,689 This is what happens when you give me Nancy Reagan's corpse 75 00:03:30,773 --> 00:03:32,107 to sell blankets, man. 76 00:03:32,191 --> 00:03:34,235 - Let me help you up. - You're fine. 77 00:03:34,318 --> 00:03:35,236 She's not fine. 78 00:03:35,319 --> 00:03:37,738 - Quit your whining. - Can we get some help over here? 79 00:03:37,821 --> 00:03:39,615 - Get her to a medic. - Shut up. 80 00:03:39,698 --> 00:03:41,533 This way. 81 00:03:41,617 --> 00:03:44,662 Kirk, this is a shit show, man. 82 00:03:45,496 --> 00:03:47,164 I just need more time. 83 00:03:47,248 --> 00:03:48,916 I don't think time's the issue. 84 00:03:48,999 --> 00:03:50,668 It's your dumb fucking idea. 85 00:03:50,751 --> 00:03:52,419 That's the problem. 86 00:03:58,676 --> 00:03:59,927 Shit. 87 00:04:00,761 --> 00:04:01,762 Tom. 88 00:04:05,349 --> 00:04:06,892 I fucked up, man. 89 00:04:06,976 --> 00:04:08,894 That's what I've been saying, man. 90 00:04:09,895 --> 00:04:12,856 This is a really, really, really, really, really dumb idea. 91 00:04:13,524 --> 00:04:15,442 Oh fuck! 92 00:04:16,068 --> 00:04:17,444 Goddamn it. 93 00:04:18,237 --> 00:04:20,906 Please help me, man. Please help me. 94 00:04:22,658 --> 00:04:24,743 I thought I had it, man. 95 00:04:24,827 --> 00:04:27,496 I thought I had it. I felt it. 96 00:04:28,831 --> 00:04:30,332 iPhones. 97 00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:32,835 Uncrustables. 98 00:04:33,335 --> 00:04:35,087 Nut blankets. 99 00:04:35,170 --> 00:04:36,171 The big three. 100 00:04:36,755 --> 00:04:39,216 Did you just compare these to iPhones? 101 00:04:41,218 --> 00:04:42,553 Fuck! 102 00:04:43,137 --> 00:04:47,933 This is the worst idea anyone has ever come up with. 103 00:04:48,017 --> 00:04:49,601 It's a really bad idea. 104 00:04:49,685 --> 00:04:51,562 My entire life savings went into this. 105 00:04:51,645 --> 00:04:54,273 I'm gonna be homeless. I can't be homeless. 106 00:04:54,356 --> 00:04:55,858 I joke about being homeless. 107 00:04:55,941 --> 00:04:58,527 "Hey, I'm built for it. I'm always in denim." 108 00:04:58,610 --> 00:05:00,154 "I need a shower every night." 109 00:05:00,237 --> 00:05:03,532 - "I just look dirty. I'm clean." - All right, take a deep breath. 110 00:05:03,615 --> 00:05:05,743 Just listen. 111 00:05:06,869 --> 00:05:09,163 - We'll figure it out. - How? How? 112 00:05:09,246 --> 00:05:10,914 I'm fucking toast, bro. 113 00:05:10,998 --> 00:05:12,082 I'll reimburse you 114 00:05:12,166 --> 00:05:15,002 for the 400 fucking thousand dollars you spent. 115 00:05:15,085 --> 00:05:16,587 Five hundred. I lied. 116 00:05:19,006 --> 00:05:21,508 Okay... I'll reimburse you 117 00:05:21,592 --> 00:05:25,637 for the 500 fucking thousand dollars you spent on weighted blankets, 118 00:05:25,721 --> 00:05:28,015 and we'll come up with a payment plan or something, okay? 119 00:05:28,098 --> 00:05:30,726 You're doing a lot of free shows, by the way. 120 00:05:31,393 --> 00:05:33,103 - I love you. - I love you too. 121 00:05:33,187 --> 00:05:36,357 And you are getting rid of these fucking weighted blankets. 122 00:05:37,608 --> 00:05:39,068 However you wanna do it. 123 00:05:39,735 --> 00:05:41,737 - I'll get rid of these. - Yes. 124 00:05:41,820 --> 00:05:43,364 Just figure something out. 125 00:05:46,492 --> 00:05:47,659 How's it going? 126 00:05:56,460 --> 00:05:57,378 Oh, hey. 127 00:05:57,461 --> 00:06:01,006 If there's still feedback, like, anywhere else on stage, I'm fine. 128 00:06:01,090 --> 00:06:03,467 But when you're downstage center-- 129 00:06:04,927 --> 00:06:08,138 You're welcome! 130 00:06:08,972 --> 00:06:10,265 You like that? 131 00:06:13,477 --> 00:06:15,229 Get that one. Get it in there. 132 00:06:15,312 --> 00:06:16,688 I'm trying. 133 00:06:17,439 --> 00:06:19,191 Any nut allergies? 134 00:06:20,818 --> 00:06:22,861 Weighted blankets for all! 135 00:06:24,905 --> 00:06:26,740 Kirk! What the fuck are you doing? 136 00:06:26,824 --> 00:06:29,535 Thank you, Tom. 137 00:06:31,203 --> 00:06:32,704 He's fucking lost it. 138 00:06:35,207 --> 00:06:37,918 Kirk Fox. Tell your friends. 139 00:06:42,256 --> 00:06:44,675 Breaking news out of Hollywood, California now. 140 00:06:44,758 --> 00:06:47,970 A stand-up comedian has been arrested on multiple counts of homicide, 141 00:06:48,053 --> 00:06:49,680 assault, and terrorism. 142 00:06:49,763 --> 00:06:52,307 His name, Tom Segura. 143 00:06:52,391 --> 00:06:55,436 Seven people were brutally murdered and thousands traumatized 144 00:06:55,519 --> 00:06:59,606 when an unnamed man that Segura hired began shooting audience members 145 00:06:59,690 --> 00:07:02,776 with what's being described as a homemade projectile launcher. 146 00:07:02,860 --> 00:07:05,487 Bank statements and emails from Segura to the man 147 00:07:05,571 --> 00:07:08,365 show that Segura entirely funded the terrorist attack, 148 00:07:08,449 --> 00:07:11,201 paying the man $500,000. 149 00:07:11,285 --> 00:07:13,495 Segura is being held with no chance of parole 150 00:07:13,579 --> 00:07:16,790 and will likely be sentenced to death later this month. 151 00:07:16,874 --> 00:07:20,961 This comedian's brutal act is one that no one is laughing at. 152 00:07:21,044 --> 00:07:24,798 Well, turning now to a reunion three years in the making. 153 00:07:24,882 --> 00:07:28,760 A veteran and his military dog separated by thousands of miles 154 00:07:28,844 --> 00:07:31,930 about to see each other for the first time since deployment. 155 00:07:32,014 --> 00:07:33,765 You're gonna wanna grab a tissue for this one. 156 00:07:33,849 --> 00:07:35,767 Cecilia Nichols has the story. 157 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:40,647 Army specialist Jake Thorton never forgot his partner, 158 00:07:40,731 --> 00:07:44,067 a nine-year-old Belgian Malinois named Bruno. 159 00:07:44,151 --> 00:07:47,070 Well, out there, it's just you and him. 160 00:07:47,154 --> 00:07:50,032 And he had my back every single day. 161 00:07:51,325 --> 00:07:54,244 From the very first moment, I trusted Bruno with Jake's life. 162 00:07:54,328 --> 00:07:57,498 For 18 months, the two spent hundreds of hours together 163 00:07:57,581 --> 00:07:59,082 on patrol in Iraq. 164 00:07:59,750 --> 00:08:01,710 But when Jake's deployment ended, 165 00:08:01,793 --> 00:08:04,838 Bruno still had years of service ahead of him, 166 00:08:04,922 --> 00:08:09,426 meaning Jake had to leave his partner behind with a new handler. 167 00:08:09,510 --> 00:08:13,597 That was, um, one of the hardest goodbyes of my life. 168 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:15,891 It weighed on him when he came back. 169 00:08:15,974 --> 00:08:17,809 He really missed that dog. 170 00:08:18,310 --> 00:08:21,522 Jake never stopped hoping he would see Bruno again, 171 00:08:21,605 --> 00:08:25,317 waiting for the day his partner would finally retire from service. 172 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:27,611 I don't know if he'll remember me. 173 00:08:28,403 --> 00:08:30,489 But I remember him. 174 00:08:31,532 --> 00:08:33,659 I remember him every single day. 175 00:08:33,742 --> 00:08:37,204 Well, we have someone here who has been waiting to see you. 176 00:08:37,788 --> 00:08:38,747 Are you ready? 177 00:08:38,830 --> 00:08:40,874 Yes, ma'am. I'm ready. 178 00:08:42,084 --> 00:08:43,460 Here he is! 179 00:08:46,421 --> 00:08:48,423 Hey, buddy. Hey. 180 00:08:49,174 --> 00:08:50,676 Bruno. 181 00:08:51,593 --> 00:08:52,844 I missed you so much. 182 00:08:52,928 --> 00:08:54,930 Hey, buddy. Hey. 183 00:08:55,013 --> 00:08:56,348 Hey, pal. 184 00:08:56,431 --> 00:08:57,391 Come here, Bruno. 185 00:09:02,271 --> 00:09:04,022 Jake, try not to move. 186 00:09:04,106 --> 00:09:05,566 Stop! 187 00:09:05,649 --> 00:09:08,986 Lower your heart rate. Jake! Control your breath! 188 00:09:09,069 --> 00:09:10,988 Jake! He thinks you're Taliban! 189 00:09:11,071 --> 00:09:12,990 Try and stop him! 190 00:09:13,657 --> 00:09:16,493 There's absolutely nothing I can do, ma'am. He outranks me. 191 00:09:16,577 --> 00:09:19,663 - Jake, I love you! - That's beautiful, ma'am. 192 00:09:19,746 --> 00:09:21,999 Not everybody experiences love in this world. 193 00:09:22,082 --> 00:09:24,876 Make it stop! Make it stop! 194 00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:26,295 Your son's here. 195 00:09:26,378 --> 00:09:28,547 Close your eyes, son. You don't want to watch this. 196 00:09:28,630 --> 00:09:30,716 - He's gonna be okay. - Not gonna be okay. 197 00:09:31,967 --> 00:09:34,303 Well, just surrender to it now. 198 00:09:36,221 --> 00:09:38,765 Sorry, son. Your dad's dead. 199 00:09:38,849 --> 00:09:42,728 Lord in heaven, thank you so much for letting Jake serve with us. 200 00:09:43,312 --> 00:09:46,565 Amazing grace 201 00:09:46,648 --> 00:09:50,944 How sweet the sound 202 00:09:51,028 --> 00:09:55,907 That saved a wretch like me 203 00:09:55,991 --> 00:09:58,118 - Holy shit. Oh my God. - Jesus. 204 00:09:58,201 --> 00:09:59,536 Maybe he'll be okay. 205 00:09:59,620 --> 00:10:01,788 I don't think so. 206 00:10:02,789 --> 00:10:05,417 I don't know. Can we put something else on? 207 00:10:06,126 --> 00:10:08,128 - God. - I miss our dog. 208 00:10:08,712 --> 00:10:12,674 Do you think that we could love our baby as much as we love our dog? 209 00:10:12,758 --> 00:10:14,635 - That's a good question. - No way, right? 210 00:10:14,718 --> 00:10:18,096 - You know how cute it is when he-- - All right, you two. We're ready. 211 00:10:18,180 --> 00:10:21,266 So, Christina, Mary here will show you to the room for egg retrieval. 212 00:10:21,350 --> 00:10:23,268 - And, Tom, follow me. - Okay. 213 00:10:23,352 --> 00:10:26,146 - All right, Tom, here's your room. - It's okay, I'm okay. 214 00:10:26,229 --> 00:10:29,650 Hey, I love you. Have fun jerking off into a cup. 215 00:10:32,069 --> 00:10:33,362 Get in there. 216 00:10:33,445 --> 00:10:34,946 So we got everything you need. 217 00:10:35,030 --> 00:10:38,909 Uh, TV, remote, lots of selections, magazines... 218 00:10:38,992 --> 00:10:40,827 So how long does it take most people? 219 00:10:40,911 --> 00:10:44,039 Oh. Just, uh, take your time. But not too much time. 220 00:10:44,122 --> 00:10:47,668 We need the sample within the hour to prepare it for fertilization. 221 00:10:47,751 --> 00:10:48,794 Right. 222 00:10:49,294 --> 00:10:52,506 I'll try to be quick. Is there lube or anything? 223 00:10:52,589 --> 00:10:56,009 Well, lube has compounds that affect sperm mobility. 224 00:10:56,093 --> 00:10:57,928 - So... ...yeah. - Oh, right. 225 00:10:59,471 --> 00:11:00,722 Are you staying? 226 00:11:00,806 --> 00:11:01,973 Oh, no. 227 00:11:02,057 --> 00:11:03,684 I was-- I was kidding. 228 00:11:04,184 --> 00:11:05,936 - Oh. - I was-- I was joking. 229 00:11:06,019 --> 00:11:08,980 Um, just press the button when you're done. 230 00:11:09,064 --> 00:11:10,065 Okay. 231 00:11:22,285 --> 00:11:23,328 Gross. 232 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:26,790 Nope. No. 233 00:11:27,290 --> 00:11:28,291 No. 234 00:11:30,043 --> 00:11:32,754 So much acne. How am I gonna come to this? 235 00:11:42,055 --> 00:11:44,349 - Excuse me? - Hm? 236 00:11:44,433 --> 00:11:47,894 Um, are there any other, like, options? 237 00:11:47,978 --> 00:11:50,480 Oh, there's gay stuff in there. 238 00:11:51,356 --> 00:11:55,569 No, I meant, uh... I'm, I'm looking for better quality, 239 00:11:55,652 --> 00:11:58,780 production, stories, you know, hotter people. 240 00:12:00,115 --> 00:12:01,366 No. 241 00:12:01,950 --> 00:12:03,785 Okay. Sorry about that. 242 00:12:04,786 --> 00:12:07,456 Oh, fuck me! 243 00:12:07,539 --> 00:12:08,540 Yeah. 244 00:12:09,332 --> 00:12:10,834 Lick his balls. That's good. 245 00:12:10,917 --> 00:12:14,212 - Oh, yeah. - Oh my God. So much hair. 246 00:12:14,713 --> 00:12:17,299 Fuck, I bet it stinks. 247 00:12:17,382 --> 00:12:19,885 Yeah. Stinky little bitch. 248 00:12:19,968 --> 00:12:22,512 Yeah, you didn't go to high school, did you? 249 00:12:28,977 --> 00:12:30,020 Get in there. 250 00:12:30,103 --> 00:12:32,606 Here we go! 251 00:12:32,689 --> 00:12:33,857 Hi, Tommy. 252 00:12:33,940 --> 00:12:36,026 No! Mom! 253 00:12:36,651 --> 00:12:38,153 - Fuck! Mom! - Tommy? 254 00:12:38,236 --> 00:12:41,031 - What are you doing? - Hey! 255 00:12:41,114 --> 00:12:43,366 Oh my gosh, Tommy, what is that? That is disgusting. 256 00:12:43,450 --> 00:12:44,910 I didn't wanna answer the phone. 257 00:12:44,993 --> 00:12:47,037 Are you crazy? There is no chance you're showing-- 258 00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:50,582 I was-- I'm at a fertility clinic. I'm not just having an afternoon jerk. 259 00:12:50,665 --> 00:12:53,502 This is for a reason. I'm hoping to give you a grandson. 260 00:12:53,585 --> 00:12:55,712 - I saw your face, Tommy... - Please hang up. 261 00:12:55,796 --> 00:12:57,881 I saw your face too. Worst moment of my entire life. 262 00:12:57,964 --> 00:12:58,799 Can you hang up now? 263 00:12:58,882 --> 00:13:00,967 Who will do that in the middle of the day? 264 00:13:01,051 --> 00:13:05,055 I keep trying to fucking hit it, but my-- the-- my semen's on the phone. 265 00:13:05,138 --> 00:13:06,473 What? 266 00:13:06,556 --> 00:13:08,809 You've ruined this whole thing, okay? 267 00:13:09,559 --> 00:13:11,603 Yeah, I gotta fucking go. Please hang up now. 268 00:13:11,686 --> 00:13:13,772 - You are not my son! - Fuck, Mom! 269 00:13:13,855 --> 00:13:15,398 - Oh my gosh! - No! 'Cause I-- I didn't... 270 00:13:15,482 --> 00:13:17,067 - You are not my son! - Fuck! 271 00:13:17,150 --> 00:13:18,944 You are not my son! 272 00:13:21,279 --> 00:13:22,489 I'll take it. 273 00:13:23,073 --> 00:13:24,950 Okay? It's okay. 274 00:13:25,033 --> 00:13:26,701 It's okay. Thanks. 275 00:13:26,785 --> 00:13:28,036 Thank you. 276 00:13:28,119 --> 00:13:29,496 Congratulations, Dad. 277 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:31,373 - Thanks. - Mm-hmm. 278 00:13:41,550 --> 00:13:43,176 - Wait, wait, wait. - Mm. 279 00:13:43,885 --> 00:13:45,554 I'm gonna need that back, actually. 280 00:13:45,637 --> 00:13:46,680 I-I'm sorry? 281 00:13:47,347 --> 00:13:49,808 - It's not a good batch. - Oh, is it contaminated? 282 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:53,854 Well, yes. I mean, not in the way that you told me it might be, but yes. 283 00:13:53,937 --> 00:13:55,272 Well, how is it contaminated? 284 00:13:56,106 --> 00:13:59,776 Well, when I was doing what I was doing in there, at the critical moment, 285 00:13:59,860 --> 00:14:01,194 my mom called, 286 00:14:01,278 --> 00:14:04,239 and I saw her face as I was making the deposit. 287 00:14:05,031 --> 00:14:07,534 Oh, sir. That's not how biology works. 288 00:14:07,617 --> 00:14:09,327 Yeah, but no, no, no. I know. 289 00:14:09,411 --> 00:14:11,955 But here's the thing. There's bad energy in there, okay? 290 00:14:12,038 --> 00:14:14,040 I don't even wanna meet the person that that becomes. 291 00:14:14,124 --> 00:14:15,584 So I would like it back. 292 00:14:15,667 --> 00:14:17,294 Okay, that's ridiculous. 293 00:14:17,377 --> 00:14:20,297 And we don't have time for this. 294 00:14:20,380 --> 00:14:23,091 It belongs to me, and I would like it back now. 295 00:14:23,174 --> 00:14:24,217 So give it back to me. 296 00:14:24,301 --> 00:14:26,219 Sir, this is a medical sample. 297 00:14:26,303 --> 00:14:27,637 It came from my body. 298 00:14:27,721 --> 00:14:30,765 Well, your wife is ovulating right now, so it is a medical sample. 299 00:14:30,849 --> 00:14:32,767 - You're a semen demon. - What?! 300 00:14:32,851 --> 00:14:34,603 You realize that I came looking at my mother? 301 00:14:34,686 --> 00:14:36,062 Well, she must be a pretty lady. 302 00:14:36,146 --> 00:14:37,480 Gross! I want it back. 303 00:14:37,564 --> 00:14:40,066 - No! No, no! What are you doing? - Yes. 304 00:14:40,150 --> 00:14:42,527 No! No! No, no, no, no, no, no. 305 00:14:45,322 --> 00:14:47,324 - Hey! Wh-- - Sorry. 306 00:14:47,407 --> 00:14:48,325 She stole my cum. 307 00:14:48,909 --> 00:14:51,077 - She stole my cum cup. - Are you crazy, man? 308 00:14:53,204 --> 00:14:55,874 - No! No! - Get back here! 309 00:14:55,957 --> 00:14:57,417 - That's my semen! - Nope! 310 00:14:57,500 --> 00:14:59,085 Help! Security! 311 00:14:59,169 --> 00:15:00,211 My God! 312 00:15:00,295 --> 00:15:02,464 Somebody stop her! Stop her! 313 00:15:07,802 --> 00:15:08,887 Help! 314 00:15:24,861 --> 00:15:26,947 Sir, you can't be in here. 315 00:15:27,030 --> 00:15:30,241 Give me back my cum! 316 00:15:41,378 --> 00:15:43,254 Hey! Come back! Come back here! 317 00:15:43,338 --> 00:15:44,339 Oh shit. 318 00:15:47,717 --> 00:15:49,260 Let go. 319 00:15:49,344 --> 00:15:51,721 - Give me that semen. - No! No! Give it to me! 320 00:15:51,805 --> 00:15:53,306 - Asshole! - Give me that! 321 00:15:56,434 --> 00:15:58,311 Shit. 322 00:16:13,326 --> 00:16:14,744 Uh-uh. 323 00:16:24,796 --> 00:16:25,839 No, no, no! 324 00:16:27,674 --> 00:16:30,093 Fuck. 325 00:16:43,148 --> 00:16:45,483 - Is everything okay? - Oh, uh... 326 00:16:45,567 --> 00:16:47,235 I'm so sorry. 327 00:16:47,318 --> 00:16:49,112 There was a small hiccup, 328 00:16:49,195 --> 00:16:51,239 but we got everything, and we're good to go. 329 00:16:54,826 --> 00:16:56,202 Goddamn it. 330 00:16:57,871 --> 00:16:58,872 Tom? 331 00:17:07,756 --> 00:17:11,718 I win. 332 00:17:11,801 --> 00:17:13,636 Tom, what the fuck? 333 00:17:15,430 --> 00:17:16,431 Ugh. 334 00:17:17,182 --> 00:17:18,475 You don't like this? 335 00:17:18,558 --> 00:17:21,227 Dude. Well, I guess we're dog people now.